Creative introduction. Witty quip.

I used to hold it in my grip, 'til I squeezed to tight and it shattered before it could ever slip.

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aconsultingwarlock:

itsajensenthing:

starlit-notes:

I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, and my fingers…because I can always count on them.

this will be my speech when i win an oscar

Don’t forget the hips, for not lying. 

(Source: ohrendelle, via simple-vintage-elegance)

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boomsticks-and-firewater:

puellamagidolaon:

lovrdlogic:

When you crack your knuckles you hurt the skeleton inside you

Good, the skeleton needs to know that I am the alpha and I am in control.

Break your own bones to establish dominance over skeleton.

(via youwillunderstand)

Permalink kashmoneyhunnie:

I’m motherfucking superman.
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awwww-cute:

My neighbor’s puppy found a hole in the fence, so he popped by to say hello yesterday

WHY IS THE SKY TRAPPED IN HIS EYEBALLS
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Permalink assgod:

bert-macklen-fbi:

and the award for the best way to avoid an embarrassing moment goes to
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